I could barely sleep last night. It is not usually how my nights go; I am fortunate to be able to sleep at least 8–9 hours every night (and I’m pretty strict about it, too). But ever since I was a child, I’ve had trouble sleeping whenever I’m excited about something, especially if it is something new. On these nights, I lay sleepless in bed, my body totally activated by the excitement, my brain thinking incessantly on how to achieve my best, and all of my being wishing for a quick start to whatever it is that I am waiting for.
I think last night I was sleepless because I was too excited for 2021 to officially begin. I know it’s been a few days since the new year started already, but today is meant to be the day when I “return” to work. It is the day when I take my first actions to accomplish all of my intentions for this year and make my dreams come true. I think I took my mission for the week a bit too seriously—though definitely unconsciously—after a very well-deserved break.
I just couldn’t wait for last year to be over and for the promise of a new one! (I’m sure more than one person can relate.) 2020 was tremendously difficult for me in the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of my life. It was a fantastic year, too. I can’t overstate how thankful I am for having grown so much last year and for all the professional success that I achieved! But so much work left me exhausted and I felt totally drained by the end of the year.
So when I finally submitted my last piece of work on December 23rd, I knew it was time for a complete break. I needed to reconnect with my essence, which I had lost with all the business of the year. So I chose to disconnect and spend time with the beings I love the most: my family, horses, and nature. And I gave myself more time to meditate, practice yoga, and journal than I’ve ever allowed in my life before. I spent almost 10 days processing 2020, with all of its heaps and valleys. I let go of what no longer serves me, stuck with the lessons, and declared my most heartfelt intentions for the new year.
And during those days, which felt almost as a retreat from the “real” world, I came back to one of the recurring themes of my adult life: How can I bring together, in a way that is profound and authentic, my professional work with my passion for horses and my spiritual practice?
I’m not entirely sure yet, but I think I may have found a possible answer to that question during my sleepless night last night. So here I am, returning to my old blog during the first hours “of work” of the year. Here I am, giving myself the opportunity of trying this and opening my heart to whatever comes out from it.
Coincidentally, a few days ago I was talking with one of my dear friends about how important it is to realize that we are all so much more than our professional life and career. I often call myself an “art and fashion historian,” but I am definitely more than that. I am a passionate horse rider, a yoga practitioner and teacher. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a lover. I am a feminist. I am a writer, researcher, and thinker. And I could go on forever. But the point here is that I am human, with all of the complexities and the infinite layers of being that the human condition implies.
One of the most wonderful surprises of 2020 was that so many people approached me to ask for advice. I was asked for tips on how to find harmony in life even with an overload of academic and professional responsibilities; on how to re-gain motivation or inspiration when you seem to have lost them; on how to begin a yoga and meditation practice. And all of these are things that I wouldn’t necessarily ask a “fashion and art historian” that is nothing other than that! So why should I limit myself to that one aspect of my life that lives within Fashion Studies?
Another beautiful surprise from last year was realizing the huge potential that digital media have to create genuine connections and build communities. I must confess, though, that I was so tired throughout the year that I kept thinking that I should just delete all of my accounts, get rid of my phone, and escape to a place filled with horses and without any digital devices. But my childhood best friend was always there to remind me of all the people that read my thoughts and engage in fantastic conversations with me over these platforms. And so I kept coming back to my faith in digital media—and in humanity, by the way.
Reflecting on these surprises made me want to return to this space and write. I am not entirely sure how to integrate the different aspects of my life in a profound and authentic way. But what I do know is that writing and connecting digitally with beautiful souls from all over are part of my path. So I’ll be here every Monday from now on.
This is definitely not the first blog in my life. I took my first dive into blogging more than ten years ago (and you can still see some traces of it here). I owe to it the decision to apply to the MA in Fashion Studies. After I graduated, I blogged until I realized that I wanted to earn a Ph.D., become a professor, and curate fashion exhibitions. Three years ago, I also started Culturas de Moda (perhaps my most important passion-project) as a blog. And I like the idea of blogging so much that it feels almost natural to come back to it to find my path in life and, hopefully, helping you also find yours!
Just by thinking about manifesting a more authentic self in here, I start visualizing how 2021 opens up as a beautiful, wide, colorful rainbow of possibilities. And I couldn’t feel more excited for it! I truly hope that I can offer you at least a hint of that feeling through my writing.
If you’ve made it here: Thank you! Thank you for reading and for joining me in this reflection/story. Thank you for being part of my life path, because I sincerely think that there is a reason why you’re here. I hope you can join me in what follows. Please, please let me know if there’s anything specific that you’d like to find here. You can send a comment or contact me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.
Happy New Year, happy new week, and happy new beginning!
L.